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While there’s not much you can do to instill trust, be sure to make a big effort to show that the state of your relationship is great. Give some extra “I love you’s” and unexpected kisses. The more you can put his mind at ease, the more trusting he’ll be. That said, the majority of the work needs to come from him and it may take a while. Ask yourself whether you can wait and if you can stand the pain and frustration associated with doing so. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Without trust, you’re bound to fall apart, be it now or two years from now. These problems are not going to go away. In fact, they’ll only get worse if he doesn’t make a concerted effort to get past them, perhaps with a therapist if necessary. And if he can’t get past them you’ll have no choice but to leave him.


You Asked Us: Should I Be Concerned?
Posted on February 29, 2012
The question: I’ve been dating a guy for over a month and, for the most part,we’re getting along very well. At first he was very hot and heavy and came on strong, so I let him know I wanted to wait to have sex until I felt I knew him better. Now he’s not making any move on me, we only kiss hello and goodbye. He claims it’s too frustrating for him to be aroused and not have it fulfilled. Ideally I’d like to be in a monogamous relationship before I have sex, yet one month of dating is too soon to push for that.

Another thing is I haven’t seen where he lives—he says it’s not ready to be seen (he lives on a 44 ft. sailboat docked at a marina) and that he needs to clean it up. I think after a month, it’s time for me to see his lifestyle firsthand. I’ve asked a few times and he always makes excuses. Should I be concerned? We see each other on Saturday nights and on Valentine’s Day, and talk on the phone every day, so don’t think he’s living with someone. I’m 58 and he’s 62; I’m newly single and he’s been divorced 10 years. We met on the Internet. Would appreciate your feedback.